Are you insecure about something? Your body shape?  Is your nose to big or your chin too long?  Do you think you’re not as smart as all your friends? Do you doubt yourself? Do you criticise people when they succeed?  Do you use foul language all the time? Are you materialistic? Well, you might be surprised by what these mean.

Everyone has insecurities and that includes your parents, other kids or adults around you, and yes, even famous people. Don’t think for a minute that it’s only you who feels this way.

There are lots of reasons why people can feel insecure. Sometimes these things are out of your control. They can be caused by difficult family situations, peer pressure, or a past failed attempt to do something. It can also be much more complicated than that. Insecurities can arise from violent or distressing situations. That’s why it’s important to realise and understand your own and other people’s insecurities.

A person who is secure in themselves has a solid understanding of who they are. They are not threatened by the brilliance of others because they appreciate their own self-worth. They believe in who they are and understand they deserve a place in the world. They also value other people and their opinions, beliefs and attitudes.

On the other hand if a person is quick to criticise you, is rude or unkind, it’s a very good indication that you may have just met an insecure person.  Often this is a good way to recognise who feels good about themselves and who doesn’t. As human beings we are very good trying to hide things, but inevitably, our behaviour will always show something about who we really are.

Spotting other people’s insecurities is a good way to develop your own compassion and empathy towards others.

1. Overly competitive. I’ve seen this many times. People in positions of power who don’t have the self-confidence, skills or knowledge to carry out the role they have been given.  Often they will make others look bad to take the emphasis away from their inability to perform their tasks. This all comes down to their own insecurity.
2. Those who curse or use foul language all the time. This is the tough exterior syndrome. Those who have a need to speak foul to hide a much deeper and perhaps more complex insecurity.
3. Most people will know this one. Those who need “material things” to show that they have made it to the big time.  Some of the wealthiest people I know don’t showcase their wealth. Most people wouldn’t know they are wealthy beyond your belief. If you care too much about what other people think of how much “stuff” you have in your life, unfortunately, I’m afraid this is your insecure perception of life and success.

In the next blog post I add a few more to this list.

Note: this awareness is not provided so people can belittle or take advantage of someone who may be insecure. It’s main purpose is so people can recognise their own insecurities and work towards managing them, and also, to  build people’s compassion and empathy for others who are experiencing insecurities.

For now, I’ll leave you with a quote from Devon Aoki.

Everyone has their own insecurities, regardless of how you look or how people perceive you, but sometimes people give their insecurities too much power. Defining beauty is simply a matter of opinion. For me, real beauty has very little to do with the structure of someone’s face or body. ― Devon Aoki

Until next time, be brave and bold in your chosen field of creativity. And never be afraid to explore new techniques.

Today I’m talking about Long a character from Starchild Book One: The Age of Akra.

I’ve had a few people ask me to explain why I made Long annoying in the first book. Well, this is a good question. I don’t write anything without a reason. So, why would an older brother be so annoying? Why would he volunteer to be Mai’s chaperone in the first place? Why would I give readers a reason to be annoyed by his behaviour? When book two is released in September everyone will understand why I have laid this type of foundation for Long. You see, everyone has reasons behind the things they do and writers need to be aware of this. It’s not because I’m studying counselling that makes me look into these things with more depth. It’s because to create real characters they need motivation behind why they do things.

Firstly, let’s look at the thoughbanking culture I have created on the planet Sage. They don’t appreciate animals because animals exist to survive. Animals can’t speak many languages, make decisions or plan for things based on knowledge, and they can’t develop philosophy. These elements are the basis of the thoughbankers culture. They are a nation of thinkers. They are teachers of wisdom, they can read people’s thoughts, remove and add memories and create illusions. They are powerful by thought.

Secondly, Long is a morpher. He has the gift of being able to transform into animals.  Of course this means something in a nation where animals are not considered valuable.  Long is not liked by the other thoughtbankers. So what does a boy do to get attention if he is not liked? In Starchild he becomes annoying and does silly things to encourage people pay attention to him. This is the foundation of his personality and will be the source of motivation for what happens in book two.

It’s important for readers to love to hate characters in books. So far Long is the one character who everyone remembers so passionately in Starchild. They love to hate him because he’s so darn annoying. But in saying that, there are a few twists in book two. This series is a bridging series intended to allow the writing to grow with the readers. Each book will become a little more challenging to read, building on every nation the children visit. The plot will expand and develop as will the size of the books. This is about nation building, character building, developing a journey and enticing growth in a world full of powerful energies.

In the early stages of developing the starchild series I wanted the whole series to be a quick read for the more experienced readers, but an achievable read for children who were beginning to experiment with new genres and expanding their reading challenges. I also wanted to grow the series with the reader. This meant developing and crafting the writing to be more descriptive and more detailed in character development, setting and so on as the series progresses.  The purpose of this model of writing is to allow younger or less experienced readers a chance to grow their reading skills with the series.

As I move through the redraft of book two I’m pleased with the added complexity that is beginning to build. Developing something that will entice children who might not feel ready to take on the challenge of a big sci-fi or fantasy book will find this series is a place where they can start to believe in both these genres. I like the fact that reviewers up to this point have had different opinions in whether the book is science fiction or fantasy. I’ve never been a fan of categorisation, so if anything I’ve achieved my first goal. The book is unique.

I’m not sure if a series has ever been developed under this kind of model before, perhaps there are not many writers that would take on this kind of approach in writing a series. I think it’s worth the effort to create new challenges not just in the writing journey, but for the future readers of serious sci-fi, fantasy and all the other fantastical fiction genres that fall under the umbrella term called Speculative Fiction.

Friends are people you like to be around. Friends support each other. Friends also share the same interests. A person can have old friends, new friends, good friends, lifelong friends, childhood friends and be a best friend.

Friendships are important and worth having to help you develop emotionally and socially. It’s important that all kids realise there is no set passage to finding friendships. Some of you will feel happy with lots of friends and others will be happy with just a few good friends. It’s important that you find your own social style of friendship.

There are also group friendships. These friendships can be multilayered and each member of the group know that things can change very quickly.  I don’t know one person who hasn’t struggled in group friendships at some time in their life.  It’s important to remember that relationship conflicts and rejection happen even to popular kids. Sometimes you will need to use new social skills to help you deal with different situations. Those may be communicating in a different way, staying in control of your emotions, making use of your empathy and cooperating with  others. However, I think one of the most important skills you can learn is resilience. This is the ability to work through the feelings involved and quickly recover. It might be as simple as accepting what has happened and looking at ways to solve the problem.

Here are a few positive friendship skills.

1. Talk about or share your interests with your friends.
2. Listen to your friends.
3. Play fair.
4. Respect one another.
5. Use positive social skills like, smiling, use a friendly voice and pay attention to your friends safety.
6. Have fun with your friends.
7. Praise your friends if they do something well.
8. Be helpful to your friends.
9. Be truthful.
10. Be aware of each others feelings.

If you are experiencing problems with a friendship and the situation is worrying you talk to a supportive adult.

Next month I’ll be talking about insecurities.  Until then I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes on friendship.

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca